WHAT WILL THE ROYAL BABY BE NAMED? WILL IT BE A BOY OR GIRL? WILL I STOP LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH A COUPLE WHO WOULDN’T SPIT ON ME IF I WAS ON FIRE?
(THE GIST) — With the arrival of the scion of Prince William and Kate Middleton perhaps just days away, there are so many important questions to be asked when you don’t want to think about the unrelenting horror your own life has become.
In which of the hospitals that would never admit me since I don’t have health insurance will the royal baby’s birth take place? (St. Mary’s Hospital in London)
How will the birth of the baby who will be raised to despise, or at best, pity people like me be announced? (via Twitter, and with a notice to be placed outside Buckingham Palace)
Will thinking obsessively about this baby make me forget that I have $65,000 in student loans hanging over my head? (On a conscious level, perhaps)
Do I matter? (No)
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