Thank You Notes
Thank you single strand of hair, for giving my bar of soap a dapper mustache.
Thank you Moleskine notebook I thought about buying but didn’t, for helping me realize my thoughts aren’t worth $17.
Thank you Pez dispenser, for only opening your mouth when you have something worthwhile to share.
Thank you the phrase “the naked eye”, for making my eye feel bad about not wearing clothes.
Thank you woman pushing an empty stroller, for making me think you had an invisible baby.
Thank you stock ticker, for giving me an overwhelming amount of information I don’t understand really fast.
Thank you supermarket cereal aisle, for being a second candy aisle.
Thank you iPod Shuffle, for making me look like a jerk at my own party. Was this really the moment for deep cuts from the Mamma Mia! soundtrack?
Thank you hamburger bun, for letting us stack so many all-beef patties between you. And while we’ve got you here, would you mind holding this bacon, fried egg, chili, and barbeque chicken strip? I love you, man.
Thank you crullers, for being delicious despite having a name that sounds like medieval weaponry.