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When I Started Writing ‘Game Of Thrones,’ I Didn’t Know What Horses Looked Like (By George R.R. Martin)

5 Tips To Fuck Good

10 Reasons You Just Gotta Put The Gun Down


What Song Is This?

What Did You Think Of My Screenplay?

Who Said It: Ron Swanson, Ernest Hemingway, Or Someone Else?

How Well Do You Know ‘The Hobbett’?


10 Easy Steps


5 Things ‘Arthur’ Neglected To Teach Us About Life

How To Burn Mouth Calories By Bitching

7 Recent Quotes That Prove The Dalai Lama Is Out Of Spiritual Advice

7 Generic GIFs That Are Just As Good As The Name Brands

5 Movies Ruined By Blatant Product Placement

Finally! Lunchables Added An Empty Section To Spit Tobacco Juice In


My Parenting Methods May Be Unusual, But They Don’t Work

Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Still Prefer The Feel Of Newspaper Between My Thighs

10 Weird Laws From Around The Country

Pennsylvania: Humans are required to wear clothes in public, even though none of the other mammals have to.

Alexandria, Virginia: It is illegal to steal things from other people’s homes while they are at work.

How Many Of These Camp Songs Do You Know?

Ignition (Remix)

9 Kids In Our Homeroom Who Definitely Get High

Will Hastings

His hair is a lot longer than last year, and his eyes are always so red.

How Many Of These Depression-Era Boxers Do You Know?

Butter Charlie

8 Prize-Winning Hogs Who Definitely Didn’t Deserve To Win

Melvin’s photogenic, we’ll grant you that. But this isn’t a beauty contest. There are a lot of other factors!

17 Incredible Google Doodles We’d Make If We Knew How

A double Dutch Doodle where the “G” and the “e” skip rope for the “oogl.” If anyone wants to run with this, just give us a heads-up first, and it’s totally cool.

How Many Of These Thoughts Have You Had?

“Blue flamingos wouldn’t be as good.”

The 8 DUMBEST Criminals Of All Time

Carlos Ruiz

Thought you knew dumb? This moron had to take care of his three brothers, and with no ability to make a living, he resorted to stealing cars. Next time, buy your own car, and then you won’t have to steal one, numbnuts!

Tara Jenkins

Having to take care of her brother’s three children while he was locked up, Tara was forced to resort to prostitution to make ends meet. HEY DOOFUS, ever think of getting a high-paying job with benefits?

Embarrassing Résumé Blunders To Stop Making Immediately

Always remember that folding your résumé into a paper crane will make the recruiter feel like they’re destroying something beautiful when they have to flatten it.

They Said WHAT?!?! Jokes

“The real killer in this country is childhood obesity.”

—OJ Simpson

On the 20th anniversary of his murder trial

“God willing, one day I will be a car.”

—Michael Bay

On ‘Transformers: Age Of Extinction’

“I can’t believe nobody ever noticed I’m missing a finger.”

—Jennifer Aniston

On body image

“Just because I’m a vegetarian doesn’t mean I can’t kill cows.”

—Paul McCartney

On meat

“Amanda Peet.”


On how to pronounce his name

“How did you get in my house?”

—Daniel Radcliffe

On the difference between acting onstage and onscreen

“I don’t give high-fives for anything less than a spare.”

—Blake Shelton

On bowling

“I guess I really painted myself into a corner with this whole mouse head thing.”


On expectations

“Lubriderm is the only lotion I trust to slip myself out of headlocks.”

—Viggo Mortensen

On advertising

“Okay guys, you’ve made your point. You can let me out now.”

—Jerry Sandusky

On redemption

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