By Evan Waite and River Clegg Stop it. Stop breathing that way. In, out, in, out at a slow and even pace? How are you supposed to ruminate over your many sources of anxiety like that? For a breath to be truly meditative, it must be shallow; it must be panicked. That way, you won’t […]
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By Evan Waite and River Clegg https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/im-a-disruptor I’m a disruptor. I disrupt things. I grab people’s phones and I chuck them into rivers. I question the status quo. I went to my nephew’s piano recital and made crow sounds the whole time. If I’m invited to his birthday party, I’ll do the same thing, only it […]
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Evan is a daily contributor at The Onion who has had many of his jokes published by America’s Finest News Source since he started with the organization in 2011. He is an alumnus of The Onion’s writing fellowship program, and now writes stories with them remotely from New York City. Sample Of Published […]
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