By Evan Waite and River Clegg The conflict known today as the Great Thermostat War of 2014 was fought from April to July of that year, in the Jacobs & Bridges Accounting firm’s Pittsburgh branch. The result of a long-simmering feud over the office’s temperature, hostilities broke out when a ragtag regiment of coworkers with […]
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By Evan Waite and River Clegg This poem, baby, this poem. Where do I start? Thanks for coming in, by the way. Have a seat. You want a water? Brendan, bring two waters in here! Brendan’s new. Great kid. Dad’s a major player in the haiku game. Anyway, this poem—it’s gonna be huge. I’m talking […]
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Lowe’s Introduces 2-Way Ladder User Can Also Climb Down Asshole Taking Up Two Plots Bodybuilder Strong, But Now What? Nerf Introduces Line Of Real Guns Anus An Outie Woman Angrily Un-Synchronizes Period With Friend After Falling Out Lackluster Dance Craze Only Sweeps 9 States New Liver Can Really Handle Its Scotch Victoria’s Secret Introduces Sexy […]
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Report: U.S. Hospitals Spend $2 Billion Each Year Replacing Gowns Taken By Escaped Patients WASHINGTON—Amidst rapidly rising costs throughout the health care system, a report published Wednesday by the American Hospital Association has found that nearly $2 billion is spent each year replacing gowns taken by patients who escape from the nation’s medical centers. The […]
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