Customer Service

You have reached the OhBits help line. Your business is very important to us.  I’m going to walk you through your choices. Please wait on the line to be transferred.

I just can’t get over losing you

And so if I seem, broken and blue

Walk on by, walk on by

Foolish pride

That’s all that I have left

So let me hide

The tears and the sadness you gave me

When you said goodbye

So walk on by (don’t stop)

Walk on by (don’t stop)

Walk on by (don’t stop)

Walk on b-

Use your keypad to press the number of the selection you would like to make. Again, your business is important to us. 

To receive assistance accessing Customer Service’s OhBit entry press 1.

To be transferred to a different region of our nebulous system of circular bullshit, please press 2.

If you are having trouble understanding why we would refuse to hire an actual person who could address your needs within seconds instead going through this whole rigmarole, press 3 once, or 1 three times. 

If you are having trouble understanding why a grown man would spend time writing something foolish like this, press 4, or press I followed by V to go the Roman numeral route like a big shot.

If you enjoy a good piece of roast beef, press 5, or text us a picture of roast beef. 

If you are angry at our company for some fraudulent activity we may allegedly have perpetrated against you, please spell out ‘I wont sue’ (49668783) using your keypad, at which time you will be referred to speak with our lawyers, who are relentless.

If you are swearing into the phone out of naked anger and frustration at the process you are being put through, please stop.

If you don’t want us to disconnect you, pre-