Denzel Washington Can’t Believe You Pricks Still Expect Him To Show A Clip


My new movie Fences opens December 16 and I think you’re really going to like it. I’m very proud of the film and want as many people as possible to see it. However, if you fuckers think for one second that I’m going to schlep a clip around to talk shows in a desperate attempt […]

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The Best Part About Having A Daughter Is Using Her As A Human Shield Against Charges Of Sexism


Having a daughter has changed my life in ways that I never could have imagined. When I held Penelope, a feeling of pure joy washed over me. In that moment, I knew in my heart that no matter how poorly I treated women from then on, no one could ever accuse me of being a […]

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As An Abusive Cop, I’m Impressed By The Taser X26’s Battery Life


In my 12 years as an unhinged cop who has no business being on the force, I’ve abused a lot of people. I mean a lot. I tend to lash out at the slightest provocation, especially when I’m feeling impotent because my wife yelled at me. And tasing is kind of my go-to move when […]

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