The Onion Archives - Evan WaiteEvan Waite

SAMPLE OF ONION STORIES I WROTE THE HEADLINE AND COPY FOR:

Study Finds Growing Number Of Americans Would Be Comfortable With Female Pep Boy PHILADELPHIA—Providing further insight into the country’s rapidly shifting attitudes about gender, a study released Friday by the Pew Research Center found that a growing number of Americans would be comfortable with a female Pep Boy. “Times have changed, and I think it […]

SAMPLE OF PUBLISHED ONION HEADLINES:

Commute Always First Worst Part Of Man’s Day 9-Year-Old Sad That Father’s iPad Moving Out Ejaculate Location Approval Granted Cloaked Man On White Steed Sick Of People Asking Him For Tidings From The North Neckless Brute Hawks Creatine Park Shelter Good A Place As Any To Be Deflowered Man Not Sure If He’s Tying Condom […]

SAMPLE OF ONION STORIES I WROTE THE COPY FOR (NOT THE HEADLINE)

Report: U.S. Hospitals Spend $2 Billion Each Year Replacing Gowns Taken By Escaped Patients WASHINGTON—Amidst rapidly rising costs throughout the health care system, a report published Wednesday by the American Hospital Association has found that nearly $2 billion is spent each year replacing gowns taken by patients who escape from the nation’s medical centers. The […]

Sample Jokes Published In Daily Content:

ALLENTOWN, PA—John Frankes, 32, told his corgi to sit and it did, because it had been a long day. KNOXVILLE, TN—Nathan Kessler, 26, spent a good portion of the afternoon misremembering how great Earthworm Jim was. LAKEWOOD, CO—Bob Kenney, 46, made sure his apology was way more insulting than his original comment. BRANDON, SD—Karina Stetson, 6, slowed […]