Welcome to Bubble Time Laundromat


Empty pockets before washing. Do not overload machines. Or underload machines. Load machines the exact right amount. Customers are welcome to use the carts. They’re caked in hair from the last six people that used them. But don’t worry: Only five of them had lice. Our manager Jim would clean them, but he’s busy watching […]

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George Soros Made A Bee Sting Me


Sometimes I think the whole damn world has gone crazy. Our country is changing into a place I can barely recognize. Inevitably, this brings us to the invisible hand of nefarious billionaire philanthropist George Soros. This crypto-Zionist has spent decades controlling the global economy, teaching crisis actors the Meissner technique, and mailing himself pipe bombs […]

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You’re Meditating Wrong


By Evan Waite and River Clegg Stop it. Stop breathing that way. In, out, in, out at a slow and even pace? How are you supposed to ruminate over your many sources of anxiety like that? For a breath to be truly meditative, it must be shallow; it must be panicked. That way, you won’t […]

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